How To Rear Children

Recently while visiting southern California and preaching twice daily in
the Central Baptist Church of Pamona, California, in the greater Los
Angeles area, I was riding down the freeway with Pastor Batema when the
conversation suddenly turned toward the rearing of boys. For several
minutes I spoke with Pastor Batema concerning what I think is the proper
way to rear children. He suddenly looked at me with a serious countenance
and said, "Dr. Hyles, you ought to publish those remarks. Why don't you
write a book on rearing children?"

When I retired that evening my mind was fastened on his suggestion. I could
not sleep until I had promised God that I would obey the command given to
me through His servant, Pastor Batema, and put in print the ideas,
philosophies, and methods that I believe are necessary in the rearing of
children to become well-adjusted adults possessing character, integrity,
and chastity.

This is not a textbook; it is a workbook. It is not exhaustive.
Nevertheless, it is offered to your, dear reader, with a sincere prayer
that it will help you to train up your child in the way that he should go.

MEET THE AUTHOR

Jack Hyles began preaching at the age of 19 and has pastored for over 33
years. These pastorates include churches that varied in membership from 19
to over 48,000. As of these pastorates, other than the present one, were in
the state of Texas: First, the Marris Chapel Baptist Church of Bogata,
Texas; then the Grange Hall Baptist Church in Marshall, Texas; from there
to the Southside Baptist Church of Henderson, Texas; and then to the Miller
Road Baptist Church of Garland, Texas. He pastored the Miller Road Baptist
Church for over 7 years and saw this church, under the Lord, grow from a
membership of 19 to over 4,000. It was from the Miller Road Baptist Church
that he was called to his present pastorate at the First Baptist Church of
Hammond, Indiana.

Dr. Hyles has been Pastor of the First Baptist Church since August, 1959.
This church has a member ship of over 48,000 and has averaged for the past
6 years over 23,000 conversions and 7,000 baptisms per year. For many years
the church has been acclaimed to have the "World's Largest Sunday School."
During Dr. Hyles' ministry the First Baptist Church has increased in
property evaluation to over $21,000,000.

Besides his position as Pastor, Dr. Hyles is Founder-Chancellor of
Hyles-Anderson Schools, which enrolled over 3500 students last year. The
schools are operated by the First Baptist Church and are housed in separate
facilities away from the church property. Dr. Hyles has served as President
of the Baptist Bible College in Denver, Colorado.

Dr. Hyles is the author of 29 books and pamphlets, exceeding over 6 million
copies in sales. One long-play record by Dr. Hyles is also available,
"Let's Go Soul Winning" (awarded by the Evangelical Film Foundation an
Oscar as the outstanding talk record of 1967), as well as many
tape-recorded sermons.

Dr. Hyles' experience covers numerous evangelistic campaigns, Bible
Conferences, etc. He has preached in virtually every state of the Union and
in many foreign countries. His annual Pastor's School attracts thousands of
preachers from every state and many foreign countries.

Chapter One

Developing The Will

"He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his
spirit than he that taketh a city." -Proverbs 16:32

A paraphrase of the above Scripture would be, "Who is the hero? The hero is
the man who restrains himself." Supreme in the rearing of a child is the
developing of character. It is more important for a child to be what he
ought to be than to do what he ought to do or know what he ought to know.
If the child is what he ought to be, he will do what he ought to do and
learn what he ought to know. In our generation the cultivating of the
intellect is thought to be the answer; consequently, the child is taught,
school is emphasized, and higher education is considered imperative. To be
sure, the intellect is a part of the mind. There is, however, another part
of the mind that is far too often overlooked - the will. For the intellect
to be trained and the will to be untrained is dangerous. Susanna Wesley
said she disciplined each of her children until his will was broken. The
wise parent starts when the child is and infant in the training of the
will.

The training of the will means the child is taught to do right by constant
practice so that the mind rises to action by reflex just like the body.
When the will has been brought into subjection to do that which is right
the child learns to make his decisions by mental reflex. This is
accomplished by applying a certain stimulus to the child and having him
practice the proper response. For example, when I was a boy my mother used
to have me practice standing when a lady would walk into the room. I would
be seated; Mother would go outside and reenter. As she entered I would
stand. She would go out again; I would stand again. Over and over this was
repeated until it became almost a reflex for me to stand when a lady
entered a room. This was continued day by day until I never had to decide
to stand when a lady entered the room I stood by mental reflex. Hour after
hour Mother would practice with me on giving a lady my seat when there were
no others seats available. I would sit down and Mother would walk out of
the room. She would reenter. I would stand and say, "Ma'am, would you like
my seat?" She would sit down. This was done over and over again until it
was a subconscious thing for me to rise and offer a lady my seat.

It is only logical to assume that the more things a person does the more
chances he has to do something wrong. Hence, the more decisions one has to
make during a day the more likely he is to make the wrong decisions and the
more wrong decisions he is likely to make. Consequently, if one lets his
principles make his decisions for him, he will make fewer mistakes and yes,
commit fewer sins. This means that one decides what he will always do under
any given stimulus or circumstance and this is practiced until it becomes
part of the subconscious. He will have spared himself the temptation of
facing a decision each time a certain stimulus or a certain circumstance
confronts him. Hence, one's principles will make his decisions and he
decides only once and for all what the principles will be.

Luther Burbank said that you can fix a desired trait in a human being by
constant practice like you can fix a desired trait in a plant.

This is done only by constant practice. Recently I was entertaining a
famous preacher. I was driving when suddenly we came to a stoplight that
was changing. I jammed the brakes and threw my right hand in front of the
preacher. He grinned and asked what I was doing. I laughed and said I was
trying to keep the baby from hitting the dash as the car stopped abruptly.
Now "the baby" is married and has a baby of her own; yet after all these
years the subconscious caused me to try to protect the baby. I had done it
so often that by reflex I jammed the brakes and threw my hand in front of
the famous preacher.

Recently, on a given Sunday I baptized over 100 people. When I baptize a
convert I raise my right hand in the air and say the following words: "In
obedience to the command of our Lord and Master, and upon a public
profession of your faith in Him, I baptize you, my brother (sister), in the
name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen." I said those words
over 100 times. After the service I went home. The phone rang. I picked up
the receiver with my right hand, but every time I had raised my right hand
that morning I had said, "In obedience to the command, etc." When I used my
right hand to raise the phone to my ear I said, "In obedience to the
command of our Lord and Master, and upon a public profession of your faith
in Him, I baptize you, my brother, in the name of the Father, and the Son.
. ." Then I realized what I was doing. By reflex after practice I said
those words when I raised my right hand.

Not long ago I was going to go to the store. It is only four blocks from my
house. I got in the car but was thinking about church work, etc., so
naturally I found myself driving to my parking place at the First Baptist
Church. I had driven three or four miles along the usual route that I take
to the church and did not realize where I was going until I was sitting in
front of the church. I have taken that route so much that when the
subconscious took over I ended up at the church, not at the store.

I take natural vitamins and minerals. I keep several jars of vitamins in a
drawer in my office. From the first bottle of vitamins I take four tablets
a day. From the second bottle, which contains Vitamin E, I take two tablets
a day. One day I opened the drawer and did not realize that the Vitamin E
was in the wrong place. It was the first in line. By force of habit, I took
four vitamin E tablets (which, by the way, is not a good idea). The
subconscious had taken over. I had taken four tablets of the first bottle
for so long that I didn't notice which bottle was in the first position.

The above illustrations show how the will can be trained to react by
reflex. This is good only if we teach our children the proper good reaction
to certain stimuli until the decisions of life are made by mental reflex
and good is done subconsciously. This means the child will do right by
habit, for basically, character is learning the proper habits. It is
learning to do right without voluntary action. It is the subconscious doing
of right. This can be done only by practice and more practice and more
practice.

The wise parent will make a list of the things he wants his child to do
under certain conditions and influences. He will then require the child to
practice the proper response to each condition and stimulus. When my
children were little I made a list of all the things I wanted them to learn
to do by mental reflex. Some of these things were: answering the phone
properly, shaking hands properly, walking, sitting, using correct posture,
paying bills, having respect for elders, and many others. Each evening we
would spend some time practicing each of these things until they became
natural. This is the way a child learns to walk, to eat, etc. This is the
way an athlete learns to be successful.

When I was a child my mother would often ask me this question, "Son, would
you like a cigarette?" I would say, "No!" Over and over again she would ask
the same question and I would give the same answer. She was trying to get
me to associate the word "No" with cigarettes. She did the same thing about
liquor and other temptations. She would hold up cigarette ads in front of
me and say, "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!" Then she would ask me to
do the same thing. I would look at the cigarette ad and say, "No, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no!" until the two words "cigarette" and "no" became
associated indelibly in my subconscious mind. Every great nation, whether
her philosophies were right or wrong, rose to greatness using this method
of teaching. Such discipline made America a great nation. She is now
crumbling because of the lack of it. All strong nations were made strong by
such training of the will. Such programs had been added to their schools.
Every nation that has crumbled did so when such discipline was deserted.

The wise parent, the wise pastor, the wise coach, etc. will produce the
proper decisions by constant repetition until the child has learned to do
right without voluntary action. Hence, the will has been cultivated to make
decisions by principle. The making of decisions by the child, or the adult
for that matter, will have less chance of being wrong when the doing of
right has become habit!

Chapter Two

The Importance of Self-Control

In the previous chapter we found that the developing of the proper
character is the supreme part of rearing a child. Now the most important
part of developing the right character is the developing of self-control.
Self-control is the will conquering attention. It is the appetite being
satisfied only when the will allows. It is the will conquering the appetite
rather than the appetite conquering the will.

When children are infants we often place things over their cribs such as
little birds that move abut with slightest wind. The child's attention is
captured by these little birds. His will is a slave to his attention. He
does not decide at what he will look. He looks at that thing which is most
attractive to him. In other words, he is affected by an external stimulus.
Self-control comes when the will takes over and decides what a person does.
His actions are decided by his will rather than by the appeal to the
senses. Unless self- control is developed a person will decide to do in
life whatever is most attractive and most pleasant. This, of course, leads
to shipwreck.

A person walks down the street and smells popcorn. He cannot resist. His
appetite decides what he eats. The attractiveness of the popcorn on the
outside has made his decision for him. The disciplined person eats popcorn
only when he needs it. His will controls his appetite. He decides what he
looks at; he decides what he eats; he decides where he goes; he has control
of himself. He is not a slave to appetites, pleasures, and passions.

How can one train a child to exercise such self-control? This is done by
developing something on the inside that becomes more attractive than that
which is on the outside. Then more pleasure is gotten inwardly by
resistance than outwardly by yielding. For example, my son, David, is an
athlete. During basketball season he does not drink carbonated drinks nor
eat pastry. This is not to say that chocolate pie is not attractive. Quite
to the contrary, it is most attractive, but there is something on the
inside that is more attractive - the satisfaction of making the team, of
being in good condition, and of pleasing the coach! Hence, the inward
pleasure has overcome the competitive attractiveness of external pleasure.
He has developed self-control. His will decides whether or not he eats
chocolate pie. Hence, in this matter he is in control of himself. He is not
a beast; he is a man. He derives more pleasure inwardly by not eating the
chocolate pie than he would derive outwardly by eating it.

As the parent develops such self-control within the child he must make the
inward attractiveness so great that it is worth the hurt of being deprived
the satisfying of the appetite. The pleasure of self-control must be
greater than the pleasure of indulgence. If this can be done, the person is
in control of his body rather than a slave to it.

One must then seek to find these things that can be more appealing. One is
that of a goal. Lead the child to have in his mind the pleasure of
attaining a certain goal. Teach him to let nothing stop him in attaining
this desired end. For example, suppose a boy is saving to by a new bicycle.
The wise parent will remind him over and over again of the desired goal so
that no immediate appetite can rise up and capture some of his money. He
continues to save toward this end even when the county fair comes to town.
The boy looks at the county fair. He finds it so appealing to the outside
that it competes with the inner desire to save for a bicycle. If he is
trained properly, he will not sacrifice the reaching of the desired goal
for a brief pleasure. The child should be led to have in his mind the
pleasure of attaining a goal, and this internal satisfaction should be
greater to him than the appeal from the sight of the bright lights, the
smell of good food, etc. of the county fair.

Another internal competition is that of punishment. Punishment for
wrong-doing is a necessary and vital part of rearing a child and developing
his character. The punishment should always hurt more than the pleasure
feels good. For example, a young man stays out thirty minutes late with his
girlfriend and all he gets is a scolding or a spanking. Now what young man
wouldn't be willing to trade a spanking for thirty minutes with a lovely
girl! The wise parent will take the car away from the boy, ground him, and
not let him be with his girlfriend for one week, Hence, he is trading an
entire week for thirty minutes. This is not a good trade and he will be on
time henceforth, for the punishment has brought more displeasure than the
offense brought pleasure. In the mind of the boy that particular appetite
will always have associated with it the punishment that was inflicted.

It might be wise for the parent to list the different appetites from which
he wants his child to refrain. He then should make very plain to the child
what the punishment is so the child will know whether or not refraining
will be worth it.

I once had a black cat who loved to jump on the bathroom stove and put her
paws in the lavatory while I shaved. Winter came and the stove was turned
on. The black cat jumped on the stove! In fact, the cat kept on jumping,
and never again did she get on the stove! Even in the summertime she would
look at the stove with suspicion but she would never chance it. The joy of
watching me shave was not great enough for the chance she would have to
take. This may be transferred into a child's subconscious until the fear of
punishment will be so great that the attractiveness of the wrong will be
lessened.

Another internal competitor to outward attractions is that of pleasing
and/or not hurting someone who cares. Here is a very strong internal
pleasure or displeasure. If a close relationship can be developed between
the parents and the child, the child will have an intense desire to please
them. If he feels much displeasure and pain when he displeases Mom and Dad,
then the external attraction will be limited by the thought of pleasing
those he loves. When I was a boy in grade school my report cards were
marked either "S" for satisfactory, "U" for unsatisfactory or "N" for needs
improvement. "N" was neither real good nor real bad. One time I came home
with an "N" in conduct. My mother cried and cried and cried. You would have
thought I had fallen into some terrible sin. Lamentation and tears filled
the house. During the next grading period every time I would start to
whisper to the boys around me I could see my weeping mother and I would be
a good boy. With that picture in my mind I worked hard for the entire
period and sure enough, I received an "S" for satisfactory in conduct. When
I brought the "S" home she was so happy she danced for joy and jumped for
glee. You would have thought I had discovered a cure for leukemia. She made
it such a big thing that when I was tempted to misbehave in school I could
see her both rejoicing and sorrowing. The desire to see her pleased
overcame the desire to talk to the boy behind me. Hence, the attractiveness
of the internal feeling exceeded the attractiveness of the external
stimulus and I became a pretty good kid.

Still another of these competitors against external pleasantness is the
desire for praise. This is an important factor in rearing children. It is
vital, however, that the parents praise character, not talent! It is more
important that a child be praised for being punctual than for singing a
song and that he be praised more for being honest or working hard than for
displaying some talent. Character properly praised can do much to give the
child control over his will so that he decides what appetites he fills and
when he fills them.

The following paragraphs will list some general statements concerning
self-control.

1. The child should be taught not to sacrifice a present good for a
permanent one. Reference was previously made to a child's saving to buy a
bicycle. The county fair came along and he faced a present pleasure versus
a future pleasure. The word "no" should immediately have popped into his
mind. Yes, the excitement and pleasures of the county fair are many, but
there are many more pleasures spread over the bicycle. As Dr. Bob Jones,
Sr. used to say, "Never sacrifice the future on the altar of the present."

2. The child should not be punished because he displeases the parents nor
should he be rewarded simply on the basis of the parents' pleasure. In
other words, the parent should not be guilty of the same offense from which
he is trying to wean the child. The offense is that of responding because
of external pleasure. This does not mean the child should not try to please
the parent. It simply means that the reward should come because of the
child's disciplining his will, and the punishment should come because the
child does wrong. Children are often punished for restlessness as if it
were an offense of the will. The mother who says to a child, "I am sick and
tired of hearing our cry," and punishes the child because she is sick and
tired is acting unwisely. Just as the child is being trained to use his
will instead of external pleasures, so the wise parent will use his will in
the punishment of a child and not external pleasures or displeasures
derived from the child's behaviour.

3. The child should be taught that "ought" and "can" are synonymous.
Someone has said, "You can do that what you ought to do." Emerson wrote,
"So nigh is grandeur to our dust, so near is God to man, when duty
whispers, `Lo thou must,' the youth replies, `I can.' "This is just another
way to say that the wise young person is taught that he can do what he
ought to do.

My mother used to have me repeat the following three words over and over
again, "I ought, I can, I will. I ought, I can, I will. I ought, I can, I
will. I ought, I can, I will." Charles Sumner said, "Three things are
necessary for success: first, backbone; second, backbone; third, backbone."
An old proverb says, "Kites ride against the wind, not with the wind."
Another say, "Only dead fish float with the stream; live ones swim against
it."

4. Children should be taught to say "No!" A child should stand in front of
a mirror and practice saying "no" in many ways.

Gertrude Atherton wrote the novel, RULER OF THE KINGS. In it a rich man
sent his boy to be reared in a poor home. The person rearing him required
the boy to say "no" twenty times the first thing in the morning and twenty
times the last thing at night.

Plutarch said that the people of Asia became vassals largely because they
could not say "no."

My mother would get a bottle, put water in it, and pretend it was an
alcoholic beverage. She then would say to me, "Son, would you like a bottle
of beer?" My answer was to be an emphatic "NO!" Again she would say, "Son,
how about a bottle of beer?" I would answer, "No!" Then she would say,
"Son, do you want some wine?" My answer was "no." She would repeat the
aforementioned questions many times so that later in life when I was really
offered liquor I had associated the word "no" with beer, whiskey, wine,
etc. so long that I would again say "No!" She did the same thing with
cigarettes. She would pretend that she had a package of cigarettes and
would ask me if I would like to have one. I would say, "No!" This was
repeated many times. The wise parent will list the things from which he
wants his child to refrain and will train the child to associate the word
"no" with this particular thing. My mother would hold up a liquor ad and
say, "No, no, no, no, no, no, no." She would then tear it up, throw it on
the floor, and stomp on it, all the time saying, "No, no, no, no, no, no."
She would then give me a liquor ad. I would say, "No, no, no, no, no, no."
Then I would tear it up, throw it on the floor, and stomp on it saying,
"No, no, no, no, no, no."

5. Children should be taught not to let the crowd influence them in any
direction. Many fine parents have taught their children not to run with the
crowd and their motives are good ones. This, however, is not a good, hard
and fast rule. It would be better for the child to be taught not to let the
crowd influence him either way. Theodore Munger said, "Suspect the crowd,
resist it." The first part of that statement is unquestionably right. The
last part is not always a good criterion. Suppose the crowd is going to
church. Suppose the crowd is not drinking. Hence, it seems that it would be
better for the child to be taught that he should not go because the crowd
goes nor stay because the crowd stays. He should hold the scaled of right
and wrong in his own hands and should decide what he does by his will. When
a person refuses to go with the crowd just because the crowd is going, he
is not acting from his own will. Again an external stimulus is the
motivating him. The crowd should have nothing to do with his decision.

Someone has said, "When I assent without thought to what another person
says, when I do as he wishes without reasoning for myself, there is but one
person present; I am nobody."

I have said to my son many times, "Son, be your own man. do not let the
crowd influence you either way." Though it is true that the crowd is
usually wrong, and the Christian is often in the minority, it is not always
the case. There will be times when a child would be wrong to refrain from
what they are doing. The basis of judgment, however, should be on the
matter of right and wrong, not who is doing it.

6. Teach the child not to fear unpopularity. It is not what others will
think of me , but what I will think of myself. One should not fear being
unpopular with others, but being unpopular with himself.

7. The parents should be consistent with punishment. The same offense
should be punished in the same way so the child can learn a pattern of
behavior. Suppose little Johnny stayed five minutes too long at Billy's
house and his mother says, "Johnny, you can't play with Billy now for two
days." Then the next time Johnny is late from Billy's house he should
receive the same punishment, so it is registered in his mind that five
minutes too much time with Billy will cause him to forfeit two days with
Billy. Hence, the same offense has the same punishment. Johnny will be able
to learn a pattern of behavior by knowing what the punishment is for each
offense. Year ago I sat down and listed the most common offenses committed
by the children. I then listed the punishment that I felt each offense
warranted. After months of receiving the same punishment for each offense,
the children began to associate certain wrongs with certain types of
punishment which allowed them to weigh the price subconsciously before
committing the crime. Far too many children do not know what the price is.
One time the parent will spank a child for a particular wrong. The next
time the child is sent to his room; the next time he is scolded for the
same offense. Perhaps later the parent will overlook it completely until in
the mind of the child there is developed a willingness to gamble, "Maybe
this will be the time that Mom will do nothing or simply give me a
lecture." When tempted he is often willing to chance it, for there is
always that possibility that he will get by with it. If, however, he knew
that without exception he would pay a certain penalty, and if that penalty
brought more discomfort and displeasure than the wrong brought pleasure, he
would realize there was not a chance in the world that he could get by
without being punished. This leads to another very important thing in child
rearing.

8. Always make the pain of the punishment far in excess of the pleasure of
the wrong: For example, a boy comes in thirty minutes late from a date. He
could have gotten home on time but he wanted to spend thirty minutes more
with his girlfriend. he is scolded or maybe even spanked. Now what boy
wouldn't be willing to get a spanking for thirty minutes more with his
girlfriend? What boy wouldn't be willing to get a lecture in exchange for
thirty extra exciting minutes? In such a case the parent might well forbid
the boy from seeing his girlfriend for a week. When this punishment is
meted out consistently for this offense, the boy will realize that he will
always have to trade an entire week for thirty minutes if he stays out too
late.

In the aforementioned punishment there is also another important
observation that should be made. The punishment should often involve the
withdrawal of the thing which has been done in excess. In other words, the
son should not be refused permission to be with a boy friend for a week.
Most teenage boys would be glad to trade a week with a boyfriend for thirty
minutes with a girlfriend, but grounding him from seeing the girl will hit
him where it hurts and will do him more good.

9. Punishment should not be given because the parent is annoyed, but
rather, because right has been offended and wrong has been committed. In
other words, the child should not be punished because of personality
weaknesses, but rather because of character weaknesses. Far too many of us
demonstrate the opposite of what we are teaching! We teach our children to
be motivated by the will rather than by external stimuli, but then we
punish them strictly on the basis of external stimuli, such as when we are
annoyed with their actions, etc.

10. Self-control in eating should be strongly emphasized from infancy.
Parents are largely to blame for the appetites of their children. Instead
of providing food on the basis of nourishing the body, building up tissue,
supplying energy, etc., the supply food highly spiced that provokes
appetite instead of satisfying it. Such food makes the child sluggish and
dull instead of active, healthy, and vigorous. Hence, the child is taught
he should eat what tastes good instead of what is good for him. If a family
overfeeds a valuable horse, they are considered cruel. The purpose of food
is to nourish the body. When eating is done just for the pleasure that
results from the gratification of taste, the end is overeating, Overeating
causes the body to perform its functions poorly and causes the person to be
a slave to his appetites. The Apostle Paul reminds us in I Corinthians
10:31 that whatever we eat should be to the glory of God.

Breeders of fine horses and dogs pay more attention to proper feeding than
the average mother does for her children. Chickens are fed more carefully
than children. From early childhood a child should be taught self-control
in eating. He should be taught that the purpose of eating is to make the
body healthy. Eating is to the body what filling the tank with gasoline is
to the car. The body will run no better than its fuel allows. One does not
buy gasoline for his car according to how it smells or how pretty it is; he
buys it according to the performance it give to the car. This same rule
should apply to our bodies.

There is more, however, to the control of one's appetite than health alone.
The desire for food is one of the few appetites that are developed early in
life. Hence, if a child is taught self-control concerning eating, he will
become master of his own will, and when other appetites are developed he
will be able to exercise self-control in them also by transferring the
character he has developed in to other areas of temptation. Why not feed
the child apples, grapes, oranges, etc. instead of candy; fruit juices
instead of carbonated drinks; nut, such as almonds and pecans, in the place
of "snick-snacks"? Good food can be as delicious to the child as bad food,
and proper diet can be as tasty as improper diet if the parent leads the
child to develop tastes for that which is healthy and nourishing.

11. The will should control the temper. Controlling the temper means that
one's will prevents expression of his inner feelings and thereby prevents
reaction. Anger should be allowed or disallowed by the will. It is not
wrong to become angry; however, it is wrong to become angry because we are
annoyed or because we have been wronged. Usually our anger does not come
from a hatred of wrong, but because we think we have been wronged. Hence,
it comes from outside stimuli and this is why we "fly off the handle."
Children should be taught to hate injustice and wrong. They must learn to
be angry not because they have been wronged, but because someone whom they
love has done wrong. Oftentimes a person who exhibits his temper will make
such statements as, "I just get it off my chest and get it over with." This
sounds very good but the truth is, it simply makes it easier for passion to
follow the same path and to seek the same relief the next time his is
offended. Hence, a habit is formed because the person has given way to
anger.

One reason anger is so deadly is that it defeats the one who is angry
rather than the one who is the object of the anger. Someone said to me
recently, "I was so mad I didn't know what I was doing." Such
uncontrollable temper leads to murder, bad health, broken friendships, and
perhaps worst of all, the breakdown of self-control which may be
transferred into other areas until restraint is almost impossible and anger
is an automatic reaction which divorces a person's actions from his will.
Because of this a child should be taught to count to ten before he gives in
to his feelings, for the time that is gained in counting to ten or in the
thought of the ritual gives opportunity to reason before hasty action takes
place. It gives the will time to collect itself in order to gain supremacy
over the reaction. The wise man said, "A soft answer turneth away wrath."
Another has said, "Govern your passions or they will govern you." Franklin
said, "What error is begun in anger ends in shame." Jefferson said, "When
angry count ten; when very angry, one- hundred."

12. Children should be taught to finish a task. Each job should be done
completely and well. Never should the parent finish the task for the child.
No food should be left on the plate and no satisfaction should be allowed
for a job that goes unfinished. Napoleon once said, "Impossible is a word
found only in the dictionary of fools." Hence, a task that is begun should
be finished regardless of how difficult it is. The child who is allowed to
let another finish a job that he starts does not develop self-control and
later is found bouncing from one job to another, one school to another,
etc.

This is especially true when a task is an unpleasant one. Teach him to fix
his mind on the goal. Teach him the joy of accomplishing the goal and
finishing the task. Teach him the shame of a task unfinished. Let him
understand that he is being conquered when he does not finish an unpleasant
task. Let the joy of doing a job well overcome the drudgery of the work
itself.

I know one parent who listed all of the tasks that were unpleasant to his
child. The parent led the child to call the tasks "Goliath" and himself
"David." The child was taught to get angry at the tasks and refuse to be
conquered by Goliath. When the child conquered a task the parent praised
him, as David was praised when he defeated Goliath.

Hence, work should be a challenge and perseverance should be a habit. This
would teach the child to work hard, which in essence is a fruit of
self-control. Fortunate is the child who is made to work hard.

My Uncle Harvey, who passed away several years ago, was a wealthy man. He
had one son whom he required to mow yards and do other hard tasks of labor
in order to get spending money. Unwise critics would look and say, "Poor
son! There is that mean old father with all that money who makes his boy
work so hard." Wise people, however, would say, "What a fortunate son to
have a father who realiz3s what makes character!" He was giving his son
more than money. He was teaching him habits, perseverance, the need for
hard work, and other attributes that made much money for the son in later
years.

In summary, character is habit and habit is formed by practice. When Becky,
David, Linda, and Cindy were little children I listed all of the things I
wanted them to do and do well. Such things as how to answer the telephone
properly, how to meet friends, how react when an adult enters the room,
etc. were listed. Each evening we would practice one of these things. The
boy would practice walking like a boy and the girls would practice walking
like girls. They would practice sitting, standing, being graceful, being
kind, etc. We would act out a sample situation and repeat it over and over
again until certain reflexes would cause the child to respond automatically
to certain stimuli. May God help us to teach our children to have
self-control.

Chapter Three

Proper Manners

Someone has said, "Manners are the bridges which men build over the gulfs
which separate them and their castles of self and over which they pass in
their dealings with one another." Basically then the having of good manners
is displaying the proper treatment, mingled with propriety, to one's
fellowman. Better still, it is simply living by the golden rule. At the
First Baptist Church of Hammond, Indiana, we stress one word to our young
people above all other words. That word is "appropriate." We believe that
education includes the ability to be appropriate in any given right
situation without embarrassing one's fellowman. Our young people are taught
to know and exhibit proper behavior whether on the ball field, at a
concert, in church, out fishing, or at home with the family. This chapter
will deal with the proper development of manners for our children toward
their fellowman.

1. Proper manners should be an appropriate outward expression of an inner
feeling of goodwill toward our fellowman. In other words, manners are an
outward expression of an inner feeling. Manners are therefore more than
ritual and form. There should be a friendly and brotherly feeling of
sympathy and helpfulness toward others. Good manners are simply the
expression of this inner condition of the mind. Improper manners are an
expression of an improper frame of mind and attitude toward others. Hence,
the first way to instill good manners in the child is to instill in his
heart a feeling of brotherly kindness and goodwill toward all human beings.
This is brought about by possession of true Bible meekness. The word "meek"
in the Bible implies "equality." A person who possesses true meekness says
not, "I am as good as you are," but rather, "You are as good as I am." This
philosophy should be the foundation of good manners, for when it is
present, manners will take care of themselves.

Courtesy, then, becomes simply the expression of the state of one's mind.
This is not to say we are not to be courteous if we do not have a mind to
do so. We should exhibit courtesy even if it is mere form, but courtesy in
its purest sense is when the proper behavior toward others expresses the
proper attitude toward him. The courteous man says, "You are my equal and I
have a friendly feeling toward you." The discourteous person says, "You are
not my equal and I am not interested in you. I am interested only in
myself." Manners become symbols which indicate without words a friendly
disposition of one's mind toward his fellowman. When he shakes hands his is
using an ancient custom which was brought about by the giving of one's
right hand to another making his hand engaged so he would be unable to
fight. It is the joining of two fighting hands and the voluntary giving of
one's weapon in battle. Hence, it is a symbol which say, "I do not want to
hit you. I do not want to fight you, for I feel friendly toward you."

In the early days when a warrior came to someone with whom he did not want
to fight, he took off his helmet. Hence, we take off our hats today in the
presence of a friend. This is to tell him, "I do not want to war with you
and I feel so confidently that you do not want to war with me that I am
willing to remove that which guards the safety of my head." Again, here is
a symbol of the inner condition of one's heart.

2. Proper manners will create this inner goodwill. It is somewhat like the
hen and the egg. Each reproduces the other. Our goal is for the child to
have the proper feeling toward others so as to generate good manners. On
the other hand, this proper feeling is often created by good manners
themselves. The help produce the feeling for which they are the sing. Put a
sour look on one's face and in turn he will have a sour feeling in his
heart. Consequently, in a sense, each man creates his own atmosphere. A
smile on one's face will soon put a smile in his heart. This is one of the
main reasons why proper dress is important. How we dress and behave can
determine how we feel inwardly. In turn, how we feel inwardly helps us
dress and behave more properly.

3. Proper manners should first be exhibited at home. This, of course, is
because the habits are formed at home. Children should be taught to say
happily, "Good-morning," to those at home, to use the word "please" when
they ask a favor, to be generous with the phrase, "thank you", and to be
unselfish, especially toward their parents. One of the most important
things in rearing a child to have good manners is to teach that child to
prefer his parents. He should always be seeking the comfort and pleasure of
them, seeing to it that Mom and Dad get the most comfortable chairs, their
favorite positions, etc. Many parents think this would be selfishness on
their part, which is not true at all! Their motive for teaching their child
this type of behavior is not so the parent will enjoy life more but so that
the child will exhibit proper manners at home which will later be
transferred to those outside the home. Confuscius said, "Eat at your own
table as you would eat at the table of the king."

Emphasis should be placed on proper manners at the table in the child's
home. He should learn to seat himself properly, sit properly, wait until
his turn to be served, etc. He should be taught the proper way of holding a
fork, the placing of a napkin on his lap, proper chewing of the food, and
other basic manners so often forgotten in our generation. He should not be
allowed to reach across the table. He should refrain from expressions of
dislike for certain foods.

These manners should be practiced. We have learned that character is the
developing of the proper habits. The proper habits can be developed only
through practice. Much practice should be given concerning proper table
manners and home courtesies.

One of the most important things a child should be taught is to be cheerful
at home since cheerfulness and cleanliness are both contagious. We must be
careful to affect others properly with our personalities. A child should be
taught to laugh. (Of course, this should also be done with propriety and
temperance.) Laughter makes one more healthy. It causes the heart to beat
faster and sends the blood bounding through the body. When a person laughs,
respiration is increased, the eye brightens, the chest expands, bad air is
forces out of the lungs, the internal organs are caused to vibrate, etc.
Laughter has a good effect on the liver and gastric juices. In some cases
physicians have prescribed laughter. One doctor even gave a patient this
prescription: "Laughter to be taken five minutes every three hours." A
cheerful spirit at home will help to create a proper state of mind and a
proper state of mind can create proper manners.

4. Being punctual is one of the essentials for good manners, for not being
on time is one of the great injustices that one human being can do to
another. Lack of promptness and punctuality is really stealing. It is
stealing the other person's time. It is also lying, for it is a failure to
keep promises.

Napoleon was always ahead of time. He said, "Every moment lost is an
opportunity for misfortune." Lord Nelson, the English admiral, said that
his success was largely attributed to the fact that he was always on time.
He said he gave himself a quarter of an hour extra time. This allowed for
accidents.

Matthew's said that men who are habitually behind time are habitually
behind success. Napoleon said he beat the Austrians because they did not
know the value of five minutes.

A man once spent some time in Benjamin Franklin's book shop. He was looking
at a certain book and asked its price. The salesman replied that it cost
$1. The customer asked to see Benjamin Franklin about the price. Although
Franklin was very busy the man would not be satisfied until he was called.
He then proceeded to tell Mr. Franklin how much he wanted the book, for
what purpose, etc. and asked for the lowest price Mr. Franklin could place
on the book. Franklin replied, "$1.25." The man was stunned and said, "All
your clerk asked was $1."

"Yes," said Franklin, "but you have taken my time which is worth far more
than a quarter." The man objected an finally asked again what the price
was. Franklin replied. "The price is now $1.50 for you have taken more of
my time." The man immediately paid $1.50 and left the store.

Parents should constantly stress to their children the importance of
promptness and punctuality. This is why churches should start their
services on time. School teachers should stress thee importance of arriving
in class on time, in order that the child may form habits of punctuality
for his future life.

A child should get up on time, got to bed on time, come home from school on
time, and keep all of his appointments. Promptness is doing the duty now.
It is doing a task on time. The mind should receive an indelible impression
of the time an appointment is to be kept and it should be kept without
fail.

5. There is some definite manners that the parent should practice and
rehearse with the child.

(1) Standing when an adult walks into the room. (2) Introducing one's self
properly to a stranger. For instance, Hyles is an unusual name. I have
found it best to spell it out when I give my name to a stranger. (3)
Properly introducing one's friend to another. (4) Shaking hands. Young men
should especially spend much time practicing shaking hands with attention
given to a firm handshake and to looking the person in the eye while
speaking. (5) Walking. Girls should be taught to walk like ladies and boys
should be taught to walk like men. (6) Sitting gracefully. Boys should be
taught to sit like men and girls should be taught to sit like ladies. (7)
Answering the telephone. Something like, "Good morning, this is Johnny
Doe," would be appropriate. Perhaps some families would prefer, "This is
the Doe residence; Johnny is speaking." (8)The giving of a seat by a young
man to a lady. (9)Using proper table manners. (10) Not interrupting another
who is speaking. (11) Showing courtesy to strangers, aged people, and
guests. (12) Respecting age and showing preference to one's elders. (13)
Avoiding slang and profane speech. The use of slang implies that one goes
along with the crowd as they are affected by the desire to be popular. It
implies that one is not a strong personality, that his vocabulary is very
limited, and that he does not have the proper words at his command to
express his meaning properly. It implies the lack of will power. It implies
the lack mental maturity and propriety. (14) Not complaining, grumbling,
finding fault. (15) Refraining from disturbing the enjoyment of others by
talking loudly and laughing in public. (16) Having personal dignity and
self-respect. (17) Exercising good manners in business. Professor Shaler of
Harvard once said in "The Citizen" that his own observations show that more
young men fail from lack of manners than from any other one cause

My boy, David, was in want and in need of a summer job. There were simply
no jobs available and there were many young men applying for each position.
He went to apply for a certain construction job. Several young men were
ahead of him, but surprisingly he was employed for the job. The employer
said later that he decided to hire David when he shook his hand and
introduced himself.

It is amazing and appalling how many people go to the bank to borrow money
improperly dressed and with a crude kind of manners. Young men should be
taught to wear suits and ties and proper clothing, to give their names
properly, shake hands, and to present their business articulately.

(18)Behaving properly in public meetings. (19)Using proper terms, such as
"Thank you," "Please." "Your welcome," "Pardon me," "Excuse me," etc.
(20)Answering the door.

These and other manners and courtesies must not be taught once and
forgotten. They must be repeated over and over again. They must be
rehearsed and practiced until the child responds to each situation by
reflex. Someone has said, "No one can disgrace us but ourselves." Carlyle
once said, "Good breeding remembers the rights of others; low breeding
insists upon one's own rights."

Once because I was kind to an old lady she gave to our church $14,000 for
the purchase of two new buses. When I showed her kindness I had no idea she
was lady of means.

A family of ten was converted and joined my church because I made it a
habit to wave at them as they drove by in a yellow car. Once a lady who was
a stranger to me said that my laugh kept her from committing suicide.

In this day when an arrogant, cocky, know-it-all manner seems to be
popular, we should start early in the lives of our children in training
them to feel properly toward their fellowmen and to express this feeling
with proper manners. The word "appropriate" should be stressed over and
over again and propriety should be practiced until the child is courteous
and proper by instinct so as never to embarrass himself, his family, or his
friends in any giver proper and right situation.

Chapter Four

Reverence For God

God created man that He might have fellowship with him. When sin broke this
fellowship God initiated a plan whereby it might be restored. No life is a
success unless it has been used as a preparation for the next life.
Regardless of the accomplishments a person makes, his life is a failure
unless he is prepared for dying. Now what does this have to do with early
childhood? Simply this: A child that is taught reverence for God when he is
yet too young to understand the plan of redemption will quickly accept
Christ when he is old enough to understand what it is all about. One of the
great secrets to making this kind of an early response is to have developed
in childhood a deep and an abiding reverence for God. The wise parent will
prepare his child for acceptance of salvation and dedication of life by
teaching him how to attain such reverence.

1. He should be taught to respect all kinds of superiority, such as old
age, skill, scholarship, parents, teachers, leaders, etc. As he respects
superiority, he will then by force of habit respect the greatest
Superiority of all when he comes to understand what salvation is all about.

2. He should be taught to have in his disciplined schedule a quiet time.
This is time he should spend alone talking to and thinking about God. This
should be done at the same time every day and should be done without fail.
He is developing a habit that will render him blessings and success in
later life.

3. He should be shown the universe and its grandeur. Read to him Psalms 8
and 19. Take him for a walk at night and show him the wonders and the
immensity of the heavens. Teach him to say, "Twinkle, twinkle little star,
How I wonder what you are, Up above the world so high, Like a diamond in
the sky," Teach your child, "Star light, star bright, First star I've seen
tonight; I wish I may, I wish I might, Have the wish I wish tonight." Tell
him that God made the heavens. Explain to him that most of those stars are
bigger than our earth. Tell him how far away they are and how wonderful is
God's universe. Teach him that God made the universe. Lead him to stand in
awe over the greatness of God and the wonders of the heavens.

4. He should be taught of the wonders of life. Show him ants, bees, etc.
who live in our world and yet, in a sense, who live each in his own world.
Tell him off the ant, for example. Read in an encyclopedia some of the
characteristics of the ant. Let the child become intrigued with the
intelligence of some supreme being, even our God, Who made the wonders of
nature. Teach him to believe in God because of the arrangement of God's
world. This kind of reverence comes from knowledge rather than
superstition. Realization of the wonder and beauty of God's world will lead
the child to have reverence for the Creator. Show him the plants in the
spring and the trees in the autumn. Let him see the cloud formations, the
sunset, the early morning, the big dipper, the little dipper, the milky
way, and the evening star. Let him hear the birds sing. Constantly call his
attention to these things, reminding him Who is behind it all.

At the end of each day ask the child what he has seen today that is
beautiful and that was made by God. Make this a little ritual. See to it
that the little child's mind is fixed upon God regularly at he same time
every day. See that he interweaves the day's activities with the workings
of God. This will create habits that will be with him all of his life.

There was a day in America when we were a rural society. This is no longer
true. Our society has become urbanized to the extent that we are so prone
to miss the blessings of beholding the beauties around us, of hearing God's
great harmonies, and of feeling the breath of God. Most adults are so busy
grasping for success that we have arrived at our destination but have
missed the beauties beside the road as we traveled. Hence, we have become
successful but have not learned how to enjoy its benefits. This would not
be true if someone had disciplined us to revere God when we were little
ones.

5. Indelibly imprint in the mind of the little child that the Bible is the
Word of god and that Jesus is the Son of God. When I was a little boy my
mother used to hold the Bible before me and say, "Son, the Bible is the
Word of God. Say it, son." I would repeat, "The Bible is the Word of God."
Again and again this was repeated. Then my mother would say, "Son, the
Bible is about Jesus. Jesus is the Son of God. Say it, son." I would then
reply, "Jesus is the Son of God." Then she would ask me to say it again and
again and again and again until it was indelibly imprinted in my mind: the
Bible is the Word of God and Jesus is the Son of God!

When Becky (my oldest daughter) was newborn and still in the maternity ward
at the hospital I brought a big Bible and held it up before the window. I
shouted through the window, "Becky, this is the Word of God." and I waved
the Bible from side to side. (I am not sure that she was impressed!)

The first day she was home from the hospital I put her on the floor, got
the Bible, and told her how to be saved. I did this every week even when
she was an infant. I am not sure when the moment was that salvation's plan
first dawned upon her, but I am sure that she knew how to be saved, for
regularly I took the Bible, went to her crib, and told her about Adam and
Eve, the depravity of man, the wrath of God, God's plan of salvation, the
atonement, the resurrection, etc. I wanted to be sure she associated her
daddy with a black book called the Bible and in her subconscious mind was
registered God's plan of salvation. How important this is in the life of a
child.

Charles Darwin with his theory of evolution has turned many young lives
away from the Bible and God. It is said that when he was a young man he was
a great lover of poetry, but because of his desire for scientific
achievement did not develop this side of his nature. Later when he had time
to enjoy poetry he found he could not enjoy it, for he had not developed
this particular appetite and it had died from inactivity. It is so
important that our children not only be taught reverence, but they must be
taught to have reverence and to offer reverence and adoration to God even
before they are old enough to know how to be saved.

6. When the little child has done wrong, explain to him that the punishment
you are giving is given from God and that you are acting as God's
representative in meting out the punishment. Let Him know that it is not
the parent who sets right and wrong or determines what is sin; it is God
Who does that. Let the child know that it is not the parent's idea to
punish but hat he has been instructed by God to punish. On the other hand,
let the child know that the good things which happen to him and are done
for him and given to him by the parent are actually gifts from God. In
other words, that which the parent does for and to the child which is
Scriptural should be explained to the child. he should know that the things
we do to and for him which are Scriptural are things we do at God's
command. This will make God part of our every day conversation and the
child will grow up not feeling ill at ease when he talks about God.

7. The child should be taught to respect the man of God and revere his
office. A little girl once drew a picture. Her father asked her what the
picture was. She replied, "It is a picture of God." The father chuckled and
said, "Well, sweetheart, no one knows what God looks like." "They do now,"
the child replied.

Once I tied a little boy's shoe. He looked up at his mother, who was a very
poor lady, and with a tear in his eye and excitement in his voice he said,
"Mother, did you see God tie my shoe?"

There was a little boy in my church who called be "Brother God." When I
would be preaching some Sunday morning on hell fire and damnation he would
look up at his mother and say, "Mama, ain't God mad today!"

One day when I was talking to my son, David, when he was a little fellow I
asked him what he had learned in Sunday school. He said he had learned
about God. "What else?" I asked.

"I learned that God loves me more than anybody loves me," he replied.

"What else did you learn?"

"I learned that God spanks me when I do wrong."

"What else?"

"I learned then that God loves me and tells me it hurt Him worse than it
did . . . Hey, Dad, are you God?"

One of the fine families in our church recently had a baby. When the mother
arrived home from the hospital with the little boy, Timothy, one of the
older children took a look at him and exclaimed, "Mother, Timothy will have
to get a haircut or Brother Hyles won't let him in the nursery!" You see,
the child's hairline was rather low and he had so much hair that he looked
as if he needed a haircut, and the older children knew my stand on long
hair.

One of the precious little girls in our church recently wrote me a note Its
was my birthday and she said, "Happy Birthday. I am so grateful for a great
and wonderful preacher. You don't know how grateful I am to you for doing
do much for me . . . I used to be flop in school, but I am at a Christian
school and it's because you have done this for me. I don't know how much I
do love you, but I love you so much that I can't even write it. I love you
very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
very, very, very, very, very, very much. Love in Christ, (signed)."

Some parents have been on the job, haven't they? They have been teaching
their children to respect the pastor. If children respect the man of God,
they will respect the God Whom the man represents when they get old enough
to know Him. However, in early childhood, it is hard for a child to
disassociate God from a person.

A little girl asked her mother for something. The mother replied,
"Sweetheart, ask God for it." The little girl again asked her mother. Again
the mother said, "I told you to ask God for it!" The little girl whimpered,
"But Mother, I want to ask someone who's got skin on him." Children need to
see God in us and His love exemplified in us.

One little child in our church said to her mother, "God is watching over us
all the time. He doesn't even take a coffee break."

Dr. Walt Hanford, who pastors a church, has a son who was once watching
television on a Saturday. The child heard the announcer say, "Don't forget,
boys and girls, tomorrow is Sunday. Go to the church of your choice." The
little fellow looked at his mother and said, "Mother, we can't do that, can
we?"

Dr. John Rice has a grandson who went to health class at school and came
home and told his parents, "Today we learned all about mouth-to-mouth
recreation!"

Yes, children are impressionable and if they can be taught reverence for
God, it will be much easier for them to accept God's Christ when they
understand that He died for them.

Of course, reverence should be created with a constant emphasis on high
ideals and morals and with the proper example from the mother and father.

Chapter Five

How To Form The Proper Habits In A Child

Habits make character. If one forms good habits, he will have good
character. If he forms bad habits, he will have bad character. The word
"character" comes from a word which mean "to cut" or "to engrave." Each
time an act is performed a deeper groove is made until one has done a
certain thing so often in a particular way that it is difficult to change.
H. W. Shaw said, "It is easy to assume a habit; but when you try to cast it
off, it will take skin and all." The more that one has the same emotion or
action the more it deepens the track and the easier it is to be repeated.
This is true when a child is taught to eat, to button his clothes, to tie
his shoes, to dress himself, etc. At first he has to think to do it. He
does the same thing until it is done without his will or thoughts. He can
now tie his shoes and never think what he is doing. He can walk with a
thousand other things on his mind. He can dress himself without thinking.
He has developed a habit. The action has been indelibly impressed on the
nervous system. The parent who wants his child to grow up to be a good,
strong person will be disappointed if he does not from the right habits in
him. These habits must be formed by repetition until he does thing entirely
automatically with no thought or will behind his actions. Hence, his tasks
are not performed by present effort but by past preparation.

Once a war veteran was carrying a sack of potatoes when suddenly someone
who wanted to pull a joke on him shouted, "Attention!" Instinctively the
ex-soldier brought both hands to his side and the potatoes fell in the
street.

I once knew a soldier who was left-handed. The first day he was in the army
he saluted an officer. Instinctively he did it with his left hand. After
much practice he was able to salute with his right hand throughout his
military days. He himself became an officer. The day he was to get his
discharge he was so happy. On his way to the separation center to receive
his discharge papers he was saluted by a private. Instinctively he saluted
back with his left hand! He was still left-handed and no amount of adult
training could change his childhood habits.

The more we live by doing right automatically and the more our good habits
save us the making of excessive choices, the better we will be and the more
we will do. Precarious is the life of a person whose daily actions have not
become habitual and who must exercise his will every time he does
something. He will become tired in his work, more laborious in his
deliberations, and less efficient in all he does. Those who have to use
their wills for every momentary matter of business without the help of
habit are not a efficient as those who have learned to become disciplined
enough to make their actions mechanical. Someone has said that habit is a
labor-saving device that causes the disciplined person to get along with
less fuel. The wise personnel officer checks concerning his applicant's
habits; those of honesty, gambling, etc.. Proper habits can write a check
that is always redeemable.

Samuel Johnson wrote, "The change of habits is in general too small to be
felt until they are too strong to be broken." It is said that on Plato's
ring there was a motto written, "It is easier to prevent ill habits than to
break them."

History is filled with the names of great men whose accomplishments were
aided by their mental ability. This hall of heroes would include Einstein,
Edison, and many others. Yet, along side these names would be the names of
others who did not become men of renown because of their mental genius but
because of their character and their loyalty to habit. Such men as
Livingston, Franklin, Lincoln, Luther, and others teach us that a man of
character with average intelligence can do the work of a genius. This is
true because character seeks talent. The proper character seeks out the
talent necessary to perform a job, whereas talent often flees from
character. Talent often does not recognize its need for character.
Character always recognizes it need for talent.

The argument for character and habit having been presented, we now advance
the following suggestions as ways and means of creating proper habits in
the life of a child.

1. Have the child perform the same proper thing over and over again. The
action should be performed frequently and continuously. No opportunity to
do it should be missed and no break should be made in its regularity. No
omission should be allowed. The tendency to act spontaneously can become
ingrained in a child only in direct proportion to the uninterrupted
frequency which the child does the act. Do it; do it again; do it again and
again and again. Keep doing it. Do it regularly. Epictetus said, "If you
would make a thing a habit, do it." Horace Mann said, "Habit is a cable; we
weave a thread of it each day and it becomes so strong we cannot break it."

2. Teach the child to do regularly now what he wants to do later
habitually. Never let him be guilty of such statements as, "When I get to
be a man I am going to do thus and so." Unless the habits of diligence,
punctuality, etc. are formed as a boy, there will be no great
accomplishments that come suddenly as man.

One day a father returned from a bear hunt. His young boy said, "I'll be
glad when I get to be a man so I can hunt some bears," whereupon his father
replied, "Son, there are some little bears in the forest too!" I have
watched young people for years. I have seen ministerial students who
prepared themselves in college to do something later, but they did nothing
in college. I have seen other students who formed the proper habits of
work, study, etc. in college. They continued using these habits in their
lives and success became inevitable. Teach the child, "Do it now! Do it
now!" One who is not courageous as a boy will not suddenly do courageous
acts as a man.

3. Help the child build a schedule. Disciplined people live by schedule. I
am writing this chapter in my hotel room in Green Lake, Wisconsin. In the
lobby of this hotel there are dozens of Christian workers sitting around
talking. I have scheduled my day so as to spend some time writing these
truths. Because of that I cannot enjoy the extravagance of what they call
"fellowship." If I am successful and get my work done, I must follow my
schedule with strict discipline.

Take the child out in the snow. Have him walk over the snow one time. Then
tell him to retrace his steps. Now it is easier to walk, for he is taking
the same path. Have him continue to follow the same path over and over
again. Notice how a regular path is formed because the particles have been
pressed down. Soon he will take the path unconsciously because he has
trodden it so many times. Due to this fact the path is easier to tread. The
same is true with habit. It is acquired when one disciplines himself by
schedule. Train the child at an early age to do so. He should get up at the
same time every morning. He should go to bed at the same time each evening.
He should eat his meals a near the same time each day as possible. He
should brush his teeth at the same time and the same place. He should bathe
at the same time daily. Even if his body is not dirty enough to demand a
bath, habit is certainly a worthy reason for regular bathing. Maybe he
could have a regular night to wash his hair etc. Routine and schedule are
vital aids in the building of habit which is necessary in the building of
character.

4. The parent must be the example for the child. He must be what he wishes
the child to become. Hence, the child will see a living visual aid of what
he should become. The parent must not fail to be prompt. regular,
responsible, truthful, etc. He must be the embodiment of the truths that he
teaches.

5. Make the child do what he does not especially like to do. Suppose a girl
does not like doing the dishes. The mother should then force the girl to do
them regularly until doing the dishes becomes habit, routine, and perhaps
even enjoyable. Find the habits that each child does not enjoy and does not
do promptly. Nothing that is right to do should ever become distasteful to
the child. It should be repeated over and over again. If it is a
distasteful chore, it can become habitual. Hence, it will be done because
the will is not brought into action each time the act is performed.

6. Teach the child that if he wants to avoid bad habits, he should not do
something bad even the first time. If something is not done for the first
time, it will not become a habit. He who does not tell the first lie will
not become a liar. He who does not steal the first thing will not become a
thief. He who does not drink his first drink will not become an alcoholic.
He that never utters a profane word will not become a profane person. There
can be no habit until there is a second.

Take the child to the top of a steep slide. Have him get on a sled. Tell
him to decide halfway down the hill that he wants to return and see what
success he has. The place to decide is before he takes the first step.

Young people like to say, "I know when to stop." This may be true. A person
can know WHEN to stop but habit will not let him stop. That which one does
not want to make habitual should not be done the first time!

7. It is good for a child to admit publicly a decision to do right and quit
doing wrong. This is why it is wise in churches for a child to walk the
aisle during the invitation and declare to the pastor a decision he is
making. It is often wise for the pastor to make public that decision so as
to commit the child publicly. The wise parent will suggest that his child
walk the aisle when he makes his spiritual decisions declaring to someone
else what he intends to do. This will make it harder for him to change his
mind, and better still, to change his actions.

8. See that the children associate with people with habit. Encourage them
to be around orderly people when they are very little. See to it that
family friends are people of order, discipline, and character. Make heroes
of such people in the mind of the child. Soon he will emulate the right
kind of people.

9. Have some family rituals that will necessitate schedule and discipline,
thereby teaching the child routine and habit. When the children are very
young there may be a certain night of the week when certain things are
done. Perhaps one night could be eating- out night, one night could be game
night, one night could be midnight snack night, etc. The more things than
can be done at the same time each day or each week the more the child's
schedule will govern his life. The more habit can prevent the
overexercising of his will, the more he will avoid the making of an
excessive number of decisions, for these decisions are made by reflex, by
schedule, by discipline, by routine, etc.

10. There should be regularity and order at home. There should be a time
and place for everything. Towels should always be kept on the same shelf.
The dishes should always be at the same place. Meals should be served at
the same time, and in general, there should be an order, a proper
arrangement, and regularity about the activities and events at home.

This is one reason why I travel across the country encouraging preachers to
do things properly in their churches. A church that starts on time,
presents only those musical numbers that are properly planned and
presented, and in general does things always decently and in order, will
teach a perennial lesson to its young people and children: that God's work
should be done in the best way possible and that no slothfulness or
haphazard performances should be associated with the Lord's work. With the
home, church, and school working together as examples of order and
regularity, the child will be reared in an atmosphere of discipline and
proper habit. Consequently, he will have a greater opportunity to develop
good character. If he sees smiles, he will smile more himself. If he sees
the parent being frugal and punctual, the pastor exemplifying integrity and
discipline, and the teacher being an example of regularity and order, he
himself will soon reflect his environment and those who create it.

11. The parent should always attach the result with the act. The words
"drink" and "drunkard" should be associated. The words "dope" and "addict"
should be associated. The words "lazy" and "poverty" should be associated.
Psychologically the child should be trained to associated the end with the
act. In other words, the child should always know to what the act will
lead. Show him some people who are at the end of the road he wants to
travel. Let him see alcoholics and remind him that they once took their
"first" drink. Take him to skid row and show him the end of the first step.
Take him to a neighborhood where poverty prevails and show him where
laziness often ends. Fix in his mind always the distasteful end of a
presently tasteful wrong.

How many time have wrongdoers said, "I did not think!" This is so true.
"Rightdoers" can also say the same thing. When a person has to think to do
right, he has not developed the proper character. If by habit he does
right, he can truthfully say, "I did not think." The person who develops
the wrong habits can truthfully say, " I simply did not think before I did
it." If he had to think first. The groove would have been so deep because
of the habitual performance of right that he would not have done wrong.
Remember, character is habit! Habit is formed by the proper and continuous
repetition of doing right.

Chapter Six

Work

"Go to the ant, thou sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise: Which having
no guide, overseer, or ruler, Provideth her meat in the summer, and
gathereth her food in the harvest. How long wilt thou sleep, O sluggard?
when wilt thou arise out of thy sleep? Yet a little sleep, a little
slumber, a little folding of the hands to sleep: So shall thy poverty come
as one that travelleth, and thy want as an armed man." (Proverbs 6:6-11)

No parent can be successful in rearing a child unless he teaches the child
to work hard. No child can develop character without developing a
willingness to work and an affinity for work. God did for man a great favor
when He told him he would earn his bread by the sweat of his brow. The old
proverb says, "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." Someone has said,
"Idleness is the mother of sin." So really when God commanded man to work
He was commanding him to be moral and to have a right outlet for nerve
force which if not used, would find vent in wrong outlets. Hence, God uses
labor to train us in obedience, self-control, perseverance, etc. Work is a
tool which God uses to make men. In order to make men and women of
character out of our boys and girls, we must teach them to work.

1. Teach them very early to help in the home. In the earliest years of a
child's life he has a natural instinct to help. Girls like to "play house"
and dust, scrub, wash, sweep, make doll dresses etc. Boys like to "play
store" and make things. It is then that the child wants to help, and work
is play to him. The wise parent will be careful not to destroy this
instinct. During these early formative years the child should be taught
that work is not a burden. It is not an evil, but rather something in which
he can delight.

Do not associate in the child's mind that work is drudgery. Seize upon the
natural instinct that God has given a little child by teaching him that
work is proper, normal, and yes, even delightful.

2. Encourage the child to make his own toys. Is seems to me unwise to buy
too many toys. Perhaps it would be better to buy the child the tools
enabling him to make his own toys. The parent could join the child as he
makes his toys and perhaps even things for the home. Hence, the child will
be far ahead of the other children. He has been trained to realize that if
he buys it, he forfeits the fun of making it. Even the tiniest of toys I
ever had, I made myself. I can recall making carts, cars, scooters that had
skates for wheels, slingshots, sleds, kites, etc. Girls could make doll
clothes, doll house furnishings, etc. Not only doest this teach the
children initiative, but it also makes them thrifty.

3. Children should help in household tasks. At a very early age children
should be taught to clean their rooms and make their beds. It should be
their regular duty and if the performance is less than acceptable, the
parent should not correct it, but point out to the child the weaknesses,
thus teaching him to finish the job he has started. There are many chores
that even a little child can do around the house such as making the beds,
wiping the dishes, cleaning the room, emptying the garbage cans, taking
care of pets, setting the table, etc. Regular duties should be given the
child when he is old enough to begin.

4. The child should be taught that he is a part of a team and that he is
slack at his job is he does not work. He should think of himself as an
integral part of society, a part that is essential to the whole. He must
feel each of us must work to do some service for the rest of us and that if
one person does not do his work, he is not being fair to others. It is like
one player on a team not doing his best. An old proverb say, "An idle man
is of no more use than a dead man and take up more room." It is not right
or fair as members of this great team of labor.

5. Teach the child to do his best at whatever he does. When he does his
best brag on him and magnify his efforts. When he doesn't do his best let
your disappointment be shown. Of course, this is only workable when the
parent has built a close relationship with the child so that the child's
heart will be broken when he displeases the parent. We are admonished in
the Scriptures to do everything that we do with all our might. Someone has
said, "He who is afraid of doing too much always does too little." By
constant reminder and praise the wise parent impresses indelibly in the
mind of the child that anything that is worth doing is worth doing right.
The job should always be done a little bit better than when someone else
does it.

It has been said that there are three classes of people: those fail to do
all their duty, those who do all of their duty, and those who do a little
more than their duty. The first lose their positions; the second hold them;
and the third are promoted.

6. The child should not be allowed to think that labor which is done with
the hands is dirty work. Parents should make all work honorable and insist
on honest, hard work. No matter what the work is, if it is honest and well
done, it is dignified and honorable. Let him know that every job has its
own particular charms and interests, and the more he knows about the job
the more interesting it becomes. Hence, whatever one does, if he does it
well, he should feel a sense of pride and accomplishment.

When I was a young man working my way through college, for eighteen months
I laid oak floor for a living. For several months I put up dry wall. I have
been a salesman, and I have worked in a service station and in a grocery
store. Once I was a paper boy. In the Army I was a paratrooper and a
parachute packer. I have worked in mechanics shops, loaded box cars, sold
in clothing stores, and once in the Army I was on the garbage collecting
gang. In every job I felt a unique pride if I worked and did my best. I
even found a new way to stack garbage in the truck and became the envy of
all the garbage collectors.

The child should not be afraid of perspiration or hard work. Whatever his
job, if it is a proper one and if it helps society, it should develop a
sense of pride. Of course, if this attitude is developed, it is because the
parent stresses it to the child.

This means that one should prepare himself properly for any task and give
himself to it completely. The more he knows about the job the more
interesting it will become.

7. The child should be encouraged to have constructive hobbies. Even
leisure can be work, and work can be rest. Rest is simply the changing from
the use of one set of nerves and muscles to another. The postman rests in
an air-conditioned room; the executive rests by taking a walk or hike. City
folk rest by going to the country for the weekend; country folk rest by
going to the city for the weekend. George Bernard Shaw once said, "Happy is
the man that makes his living at his hobby." A famous baseball star said
that he was happy because he was getting paid for what he preferred to do.

If the child can be taught to use his spare time constructively, he is a
few steps ahead of the others. The making of model airplanes and handcraft
can help the child prepare for either a vocation or an avocation. Hence, he
is taught to enjoy work rather than leisure and that part of his life which
is not given to his vocation can be a constructive part. Many of the
greatest works ever written were written by men who were employed in fields
other than writing, but who used their leisure for writing. Marcus Aurelius
wrote his meditations in moments of rest.

8. Teach a child to choose an occupation that helps mankind. There are many
jobs that are of no service to one's fellow human beings. Children should
be taught to respect the work of the carpenter, doctor, merchant, preacher,
farmer, garbage collector, baker, merchant, lawyer, etc. A vocation should
not be chosen because it is one's preference or solely because one enjoys
doing it. High on the list of criteria should be its service to fellowman
and its making of a part of this aforementioned team of society. No
occupation should be just a means to make a living but rather a means of
service to others.

For years I have encouraged by young people to play sports as a hobby but
not to consider professional sports. They should enjoy music but not
consider a professional career in music. Of course, no one should enter a
profession that caters to the lower instincts and hinders society. Such
professions as working a factory that produces liquor or tobacco and being
a bartender, a barmaid, etc. should be taboo. Every vocation should be one
of service and one that helps our fellowman. One of the finest statements
in the Bible is said of David when it was said of him that he "served his
own generation by the will of God." (Acts 13:36)

Once there was a man who inherited a good name and much money. He did not
participate in the life of his community; he dedicated his life to riotous
living. He went through the money, spent it on pleasure, and died leaving
his money to another. However, a small portion of his money was left to a
publisher with instructions to the publisher to prepare an issue his
biography. When the book was finished it was beautiful and costly. The
binding was elaborate. There was a title page and picture of the deceased.
Then on page one was recorded the day of his birth. On the last page of the
book was recorded the date of his death. The rest of the book was simply
expensive blank paper. The biographer was saying that this man was born and
died and in between did nothing for others. How sad! It is sadder, however,
to realize how few parents instill in the minds of their children the
importance of choosing a profession that will benefit society.

9. Stress should be given that one should work hard even without an
overseer. Teach the child that someone is always watching. Tell him about
that great cloud of heavenly witnesses in Hebrews 12:1. While he is very
young lead him to realize that those in the family that have gone on to
Heaven are watching. Many years ago when I was a little boy my mother
called me off to the side and said, "Son, I want to tell you something. You
have three sisters: one that you can see and two whom you cannot see but
who can see you. They are in Heaven. Each went when she was seven. Remember
son, that they are always watching you, so live your life to make them
proud." This is one of the incentives God has used to make me work hard
through the years.

This chapter is being dictated on an airplane. I am flying to Los Angles,
California, where I shall speak for a few days. The lady across the aisle
from me is reading a book; the couple sitting next to me are drinking
champagne; four people behind me are playing cards; the man in front of me
is sound asleep; the fellow behind me is reading a magazine; I can see no
one who is working! Far too many of us work only if we are watched. The
parent who teaches his child that someone is always watching and that he
should work without an overseer is doing him a great favor. One personnel
man said, "For every two men that I employ, I have to employ a third to
oversee them." Employers are eagerly searching for people who will work
without oversight. Such people go to the top. The fellow who cannot do so,
stays at the foot, has the same job, draws the same salary, hates his work,
and grows old too soon!

10. Do not associate success to genius. A genius comes along only
occasionally. Most of us are just common, average people with common,
average minds. Hence, the difference between success and failure is not
genius, it is hard work! This means working while others sleep, toiling
while others play, and planning while others idle away their time.

I know man great men. Few of them have brilliant minds but all are hard
workers who use all the ability they possess. By all means, stress to the
child that success is caused not by genius or by being a mental giant, but
rather, by hard work, diligence, discipline, etc.

11. Make no provision for failure. This has been a motto of my life. Such
statements as "What should I do if I fail?" should not even be tolerated.
If provision is made for failure, then thought must be given to failure. If
thought is given to failure, then one has considered the possibility of
failing. Such possibilities should never be considered. There is too much
stress on being a "good loser." Now to be sure when losses do come,
outwardly we should accept them gracefully, but inwardly we should despise
defeat! No child should be taught to accept defeat gracefully inwardly. He
should hate defeat. He should make no provision for failure and should be
surprised if it comes.

Many of us brag on our child more if he loses gracefully than if he wins.
We are in some sense guilty of raising a generation of people who like to
lose. We need to build a generation of people with a passion to win!

If one plans to win, he will make no provision for failure.

12. No child should have to bear the burden of having a lot of money left
to him. James Fargo, as President of the American Express Company, once
said, "If I were worth a hundred million, I would make my son earn his
living. It is wrong to bring up boys to be gentlemen loafers." Rather than
leaving children a lot of money, why not leave them what will make them
money and give them the privilege of earning it themselves!

I was once talking to the son of a famous preacher. Suddenly I looked him
in the eye and said, "I feel sorry for you."

He asked, "Why?"

I then replied, " I feel sorry for you because your father is so famous."

He began to weep and said, "Dr. Hyles, I didn't know anybody ever thought
of that. I envy you because your father was a drunkard. Nobody expected you
to be successful. Everybody expected me to be so."

This condition was unavoidable, but it is possible for one to avoid the
leaving of great sums of money to his children. He does them a disservice,
not a service!

13. The child should be taught to work cheerfully. His parents should set
the example of enjoying their work. It is actually possible for one to look
forward to a "day on" and to a "day off." This is the way it ought to be.
To say the least, a day at work should not be considered worse than a day
at home, and a day of toil should not be considered worse than a day of
rest. Each is a diversion from the other. Hence, work should be approached
and done cheerfully, happily, and enthusiastically. This will take away the
despair that often comes when one has to work on what is otherwise a day
off. It will remove grumbling when overtime is necessary, and it will
certainly equip the child with the tools that can take him to the top.

14. Teach him that all work is an art and a way of expression. Hence, one
should look upon himself as an artist regardless of what type of work he
does. When a bricklayer becomes an artist he becomes a builder. When a
typist becomes an artist she becomes a secretary. When a meat cutter
becomes an artist, he becomes a butcher. When the carpenter becomes an
artist, he becomes a builder. When a cook becomes an artist, he becomes a
chief. When a speaker becomes an artist, he becomes an orator. When a
bookkeeper becomes an artist, he is an accountant. When a plumber becomes
an artist, he is a pipefitter. When a custodian becomes an artist, he is a
maintenance engineer. No work, no matter how slight or insignificant,
should be despised. Whether one is sweeping out the place, mending socks,
mowing yards, or shoveling snow, he should be an artist about it. It is
somewhat sad that in our day the assembly line at the factory has
eliminated such pride in one's work, but even with the assembly line the
wise worker will develop pride an consider his work an art.

When I was attending a state university as a young man I simply had to find
part-time work. No jobs were available, so I began laying oak floor. What a
job! What a backbreaker! The first few days were sheer drudgery. Then I
resolved to become the best oak floor layer in the county. I began thinking
about the families that would live in the houses I helped to build. When
each house was completed I would drive by it again and again and take
pleasure in the realization that someone was enjoying the fruit of my work.
I looked upon myself as an artist and soon I began taking pride in the
opportunity of telling others my vocation. It has been about a quarter of a
century since I have laid a piece of oak floor, but I still enjoy going
back to the old home neighborhood and driving by the houses that I helped
to build.

15. A child should be taught that hard work is healthy. No one can reach
his peak of physical health unless he has learned to work. Work is nature's
medicine. Just as idleness rusts and decays a machine so the disuse of a
muscle causes it to shrivel. The doctors find agreement in the fact that
many men and women are in sanatoriums because of a lack of good, hard,
steady work. In such places patients are put to work immediately.
Especially is this true in case that suffer nervous disorders. Without work
the body becomes weak and the brain deteriorates. A girl should be taught
that work is a beauty aid and the boy should be taught that work is a
body-building device. Parents should point to heroes and remind the
children that they obtained their positions through hard work.

16. Young people should be taught trades. A poll was taken in one
penitentiary which revealed that 90% of the convicts answered "no trade" on
a questionnaire. In a certain period there were 3,154 boy admitted. Not one
of them had a trade. Consequently, all of them were taught trades and only
14% of the returned!

During the period that a young person is usually taught a trade he is also
facing his greatest temptations. Hence, the learning of the trade keeps him
busy at a time when his mind is most susceptible to temptation.

In some ancient societies it was a low that no man was under obligation to
support his father when his father became aged if his parents had not
taught him a trade in his youth. Perhaps this is a little severe but it
does not alter the fact that the wise father will teach his son a trade,
and the wise mother will carefully and deliberately teach her daughter to
prepare for marriage and motherhood with the same diligence that a
physician prepares for his vocation.

17. Always compliment the task that is finished and done well. The reward
method is an important one to a child. He should always associate
completion with rewards. To the contrary he would always associate failure
and an unfinished task with disappointment on the face of one he loves.

18. The child should be taught to accomplish the hardest and most
distasteful part of the task first. Perhaps he should eat first the
vegetable he likes least. Perhaps he should mow the hardest part of the
yard first. This helps to prevent the awful sin of procrastination.

There are many other things that parents should teach their children
concerning the proper development of work habits such as teaching them to
choose their heroes from ones who have worked their way from the bottom to
the top, teaching them to choose a profession that will enable them to
leave something for others when they are gone, teaching them to be thrifty
and yet generous with money earned, etc., but in it all there should shine
forth an ability to work and the dignity of labor.

Chapter Seven

Teaching Independence and Self-Reliance

Our world today is crying for leadership, for someone whom the crowd will
follow. Such a one must not follow the crowd. He must learn to stand on his
own feet, to be his own man, and to be self-reliant. Hence, the child must
be taught to think for himself and believe in himself. A planned course of
action should be plotted by every parent to train his child so he will not
feel he is dependent on society, but rather can make his own way, holding
his head high and being his own man. In order to achieve this goal there
are certain ingredient which are vital.

Someone has said that men are cast iron while children are clay. Hence, the
subject matter covered in this chapter is not for the adult to attach
awkwardly to his molded character, but rather for the child to learn and do
while his character is being molded.

1. Encourage him to solve his own problems as often as possible. Encourage
him to express his own ideas.

2. Lead the child to think always, "Is there any way to improve upon this?"
This does not mean that he imposes his will outside his own sphere of
occupation. It does mean, however, that in his own mind he should think
over and over again about as many matters as possible, "Can I think of any
way to improve on this?" Even if he is not asked and does not have the
opportunity to put into action these thoughts, He is nevertheless preparing
himself for improvements when the opportunity is presented.

Along these same lines teach him to think of a solution to all problems. A
person who wants to help others will be ready to help when the opportunity
presents itself. This does not mean he should be bothersome and enter into
an area where he is not welcome or needed. It does mean, however, that he
should be ready to help if he is asked to help. Consequently, the more
problems that one can find solutions to the more available he will be when
his help is needed or asked.

Gospel singer Bill Harvey after having observed this author for many years
said one time, "Dr. Hyles, I would suggest you never go to Italy." When
asked the reason he replied, "Because you would try to straighten the
leaning tower of Pisa."

God will always provide the opportunity in His own time for a prepared man.

3. Teach the child initiative. Initiative is simply the doing of something
without being told. If there is a job to be done, the child does it. It
also implies self-confidence and self- reliance. Emerson said, "Trust
thyself." Initiative teaches one to do this.

4. Whenever possible give the child a choice between two or three courses
of action. In other words, say to him, "Here are three choices. You cannot
do them all, but you must do one." Let the child choose. The parent should
say, "Johnny, you may have either this one or that one. You may go either
this way or that way." (Be sure that both choices are morally right.) "You
may wear this garment or that garment. You may eat this food or that food."
In other words, the parent should find some choices either of which is
acceptable to him. Let the child make a choice thereby getting him into the
habit of making decisions on his own. Once the choice is made, be sure the
child is held firmly to his decision. He is being taught to be a person of
decision. Note carefully he is not being taught to choose between right and
wrong. He is being taught to choose the most beneficial right. Again,
remember, do not allow him to waver after he has made his choice. Someone
once asked Alexander what was the cause of his success. He answered,
"Deliberate with caution and then act with decision."

5. Teach the child to make a quick decision once he has thought it over
carefully. This is not to say that the child should make a decision without
properly weighing the facts. He should be quick to make a firm decision
after all the facts have been gathered and weighed.

To aid in the development of such decision making, the parent could present
a problem to a child. This problem has to do with making a decision. Give
him a set period of time to think about it an insist upon the decision by
that time. For example, the parent should tell the child that he has five
minutes to make up his mind. The next time the same problem is presented
give him four minutes, then three, etc.

There are times in the life of every child when he must make a quick
decision. Much will rest upon this. He should be trained to act almost by
reflex, and he can if he has been properly prepared.

At his point the reader may wont to indict the author if he does not stop
to realize that the author is not advocating rash and hasty decisions. He
is simply desirous of combating extensive thinking and indecision when
nothing can be accomplished. One should do his best and then be satisfied.
If he has made a mistake, he has learned the knowledge that will help him
next time. One should not waste time in regret but face the next decision.
Certainly one should not undo in doubt what he has done in faith!

6. Do not oversympathize with the child. This teaches him to whine and seek
sympathy. If he is going to be his own man, he must learn to face
hardships, stand alone, and be willing to suffer without a martyr's
complex.

My son, David, at this writing plays on the high school basketball team.
Last year he was injured in a game and carried off the floor writhing in
pain. I was sitting about 25 feet from him and of course, I was very
apprehensive and concerned. However, instead of rushing to his side, I let
him be alone for awhile. When the attention was taken off of him I slipped
over quietly and said, "How is it, doc?"

With a pained expression on this face he said, "I'm okay, Dad go ahead."

As I walked away I said, "He is becoming a man."

One of the great mistakes made in rearing children is overprotection and
oversympathy. People who have no obstacles to overcome and face no
hardships are usually weak-willed. Just as muscles are made stronger by use
the will is made stronger by use. Hence, early in the life of a child we
must see to it that people do not carry on over him with excessive
sympathy. To some parents this will seem hard-boiled and harsh. What they
do not realize is that they are the ones who are hard-boiled and harsh, for
they are training a child by habit to whine. Someday he will be unable to
face his hardships alone. Hence, he will cast himself on society and become
a liability rather than an asset.

Someone has said that a piece of iron in its rough state is worth about $5.
After being made into a horse shoe it is worth about $12. When made into
knife blades it is worth $1000. When made into balance springs for watches
it is worth $250,000. What is the difference? The difference is that as
this iron goes through certain processes and is heated, hammered, rolled,
pressed, cut, polished, beaten, formed, etc., it is becoming more useful.
The same is true with a child.

One of the great reasons for juvenile delinquency and youth socialistic
groups, etc. is that the children are born with the proverbial silver spoon
in their mouths. They never face hardship, never have to work hard, and
consequently, are reared thinking they are owed a living. Even young eagles
must fly, for the old eagles turn them out as soon as they are able to fly.

7. The child should be taught to make his own way. This does not take an
extraordinary brain. School teachers often tell me that the most brilliant
pupils often disappoint them. This is because they can do things easily.
They do not have to learn to concentrate or to be diligent. They have to
face no hardships. Hence, the child with mediocre ability reaches his goal
with grit and determination. Because of this he develops the processes that
make for greatness. Mental brilliance does not make for greatness.
Perseverance, work, character, diligence, industry, and thrift are the
causes that make on great. When these qualities have to be developed one
can become great without mental brilliance, whereas the mentally brilliant
will usually not develop these qualities.

8. When the child reaches the age of six or seven let him earn some money
and spend it on his own. Perhaps he can work in the yard for an hour and
make a quarter. Then send him by himself down to the corner store to spend
it alone. He will learn two things: He will learn to be careful about
spending his money, for he had to work an hour to get it. He will also
learn to make decisions and to go somewhere on his own. If the store is
several miles away, the wise parent will drive the child to within a block
of the store, let him out, let him go alone to make his purchase and return
to the car. He is learning that necessary fact of life that he must someday
be on his own. He is being prepared for that day.

9. As soon as possible let him have his own bicycle and go places alone.
Bear in mind we are trying to teach the child independence and
self-reliance. Far too many parents put the child in the family car and
take him anywhere he wants to go. How sad! Mom becomes a taxi driver for
some spoiled, lazy children, and the Dad who does not want his son to go
through the hardships he endured has taken from his son the very qualities
that made him successful. The wise dad will want his son to endure some
hardships, for hardships endured early will prevent greater hardships to be
endured later, for the child will have learned to face life.

10. Give him some responsibilities of his own. As soon as possible throw
him upon his own resources by giving him responsibilities. Give him a task
to perform. Make him perform it to its completion. Do not correct it or
finish it for him. He must realize that it is his task and that he must do
it. He must know that if he does not do it, it will not be done!

I am grateful that at the age of ten I had my first paper route. I became a
businessman. I had responsibility and obligation. I had to face it. There
were decisions I had to make and no one could make them for me. I have
thanked God many times for this opportunity.

11. Teach the child to repair thing that are broken. Give to the boy the
responsibility of being the repairman around the house. Let him tinker and
learn how to fix things. Let the girl mend and sew. Along the same line do
not purchase for a child what he can make for himself. In another chapter
we discussed the fact that a child should make his own toys if at all
possible. When we were boys we made such things as scooters, go-carts,
slingshots, etc. This is vital in the proper emotional development of a
child.

12. Teach a boy to defend himself. The manly art of self-defense should be
a part of every boy's development. Teach him to box. Teach him to shoot.
Teach him self- defense. A man should have the idea that he can take care
of himself, that he can protect those who are his own, and that he can be
in charge of the situation. To some this sounds cocky. In a socialistic
world it may be that confidence is mistaken for arrogance by those who are
not self-reliant.

When my boy was five years of age I bought him a pair of boxing gloves; in
fact I bought two pairs - one for the boy across the street and one for my
boy. They squared off in the basement and I taught my son how to defend
himself. Now he can protect his sisters and he has done so. He also has the
feeling that he can take care of himself. This is important for
self-reliance.

13. A child should be taught to do one thing and do it well. He should have
one aim, one direction. Point his energies in one pursuit. He should know
where he is going and learn how to get there. He should direct his
activities toward that one goal. It is tragic to see middle-aged men still
trying to decide what they are going to be and do in their lives. Such
often become professional students who later bounce from one job to another
and are always going to be something great "tomorrow."

A little boy was shooting a B-B gun up in the air when a man passing by
asked him at what he was shooting. He replied, "The moon."

The man laughed and said, "Why, you can't hit the moon with a B-B gun!"

"No," said the boy, "but I'm a lot closer than you are." Goals are so
important!

14. Th